


Platypus Jaeger

by Anonymous



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Gen, Multi, Pacific Rim fusion, perry the human
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-20
Updated: 2014-10-20
Packaged: 2018-02-21 21:14:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2482697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It has been many years since the portal connecting Earth and the Kaiju world has been closed, and most people have moved on from the terrified lifestyle they once led. However, if opened once, then the portal can be opened again. </p><p>Alternate title: How to Invite your Nemesis to be your Drift Partner.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Platypus Jaeger

**Author's Note:**

> Further tags will be added as time goes on, and there may be a hint of Perry/Doofenshmirtz, but probably nothing overt. We'll see..

Candace Flynn was in the middle of shopping with Stacy when the long, lonely wail of a siren caught her ears. She froze, smile dropping off her face. When the cellphone began to ring, Candace picked up immediately, already putting everything back and moving towards the door. Stacy was right beside her, face pale. “Mom?”

“Candace! Where’s Phineas and Ferb?! Are they with you?”

“No. They went with their friends somewhere else-“ Candace trailed off, eyes widening.

She knew exactly where they were. Phineas and Ferb and all of their friends had been excitedly talking about how they were going to spend a lazy Saturday building a submarine and exploring the bottom of the bay of Danville. “I know where they are.” She said weakly, “Don’t worry Mom, I’ll get them.”

Her cellphone cut off, as emergency messages began to broadcast instead, warning everyone to take shelter. Stacy glanced at her, “I just talked to my mom. Ginger is missing.”

“She’s probably with Phineas and Ferb, in their submarine. C’mon Stacy, we gotta go find them.” Candace dashed outside, head turning upwards, scanning the sky. She could hear Stacy furiously redialing.

“C’mon Ginger, I know you have your own cellphone, please, please, please, please, pick up.” It wasn’t often that Stacy was the one panicking and Candace was mostly calm. _Well, that wasn’t exactly right either,_ she thought hysterically. _I am totally panicking, I’m just running towards the source of my problems rather than away to fetch mom._

And her ‘problem’ was going to be kaiju.

A long, terrible screech echoed down emptying streets. Candace and Stacy glanced at each other- and picked up their pace.

“GINGER!”

Candace’s head snapped towards Stacy as Stacy clutched at her phone. “Ginger, where are you? At the docks with the other fireside girls? Okay… Who all is with you? … Gather everyone and get into shelter. Candace and I are coming to pick you up. Yeah, it’s going to be okay, I promise Ginger. Everything’s going to be _fine_.”

Stacy stumbled over a crack in the cement, and Candace didn’t break stride as she swept Stacy off her feet in a bridal carry and kept pelting on. Stacy weighed a lot less the mom did, and the siren was still clanging away. Candace could see people fleeing the opposite direction, most of them with kits that were obviously years old. Nobody expected to hear the siren ever again.

The bay started to come into view, and Stacy elbowed her, “I can run now.”

“Phineas and Ferb?”

“They’re at the bottom of the ocean along with Isabella and another Fireside girl. Buford and Baljeet decided to stay behind to be in the command center.”

Candace sped up, before forcing herself to slow down for Stacy. Stacy pointed, “They said they’re at the older docks because that was the only place they could rent space.”

“Of course they’re at the older docks! C’mon Stace, I got a perfect shortcut!” Candace turned on her heel and climbed up a tree. Stacy blinked at her from the bottom of the tree, her exasperation clear even from this distance.

“Candace, that is in no way a shortcut.”

“No, no, I promise. If we climb the tree and use the power lines, we can get there a lot faster.” Candace promised- she had all of the ‘shortcuts’ around town memorized. It helped a little when she was attempting to track her brothers down for a giant bust. Not that she ever actually managed it, but nobody could say her athletic abilities were anything but incredible.

“Candace, I can’t do that.”

Candace frowned, and jumped down from the tree. The sirens continued in the background, her heart synching with the ups and downs. Stacy grabbed her elbow, tugging instantly. “C’mon, we don’t have much time left.”

Candace nodded, and they both set off for the distant docks. She couldn’t help the petulant thought that by her shortcut it would’ve been faster. Especially as ashen faced adults, only just barely starting to respond to the siren began to urge them back towards the inland where they would be safer.

Still, they arrived at the abandoned docks in good time. “Ginger! Buford! Baljeet!” Stacy yelled, and eight small faces poked out of a warehouse door. They kept shooting glances at the siren right above their head, nearly drowning out Ginger’s call for her sister.

Stacy swept Ginger into a hug, and Candace felt a soft smile twitch onto her lips at the soft sight. “C’mon everyone, we’re heading for shelter.”

“What’s going on Stacy? Anything we can do to help?”

“Nope! No, absolutely not. It’s too dangerous. C’mon girls, we’re getting out of here.”

“But Phineas, Ferb, Isabella and Gretchen are still underwater! We lost contact with them shortly after the siren began.” Baljeet objected, loudly, “What if they are injured? Or worse?”

Candace glanced around the empty docks, looking for anything that could help. She was a really good swimmer, so all she needed was- scuba gear! Thanking her lucky stars she ran towards it. “Don’t worry about them Baljeet, I’ve got it handled.”

Candace glanced at Stacy, a scowl all across her face. “I’m going to find Phineas and Ferb, and I’m going to bring them up here.”

Stacy shook her head, “Candace, by the time you find them, the door will probably be…” _closed_. Then they would be stuck outside.

Candace smiled grimly. Better outside where they had a chance of running away then inside the water where it could eat them all in one gulp. She pulled on the wetsuit and tucked her long hair into the hood. “I’ll be fine Stace. Get everyone else out, would ya?”

Stacy nodded, and started leading away the small group. Baljeet and Buford hesitated, and Candace grinned lopsidedly at them. “Don’t worry, I’m going to go get them.”

Stacy started shoving them towards safety, urging them to break into a jog. They disappeared as Candace fell back into the clear water. There was no sign of fish as she swam deeper. That was a bad, bad sign. If the fish had already fled then the monster was close.

Feet kicked, as she chanted in her mind, _find them, get out. Find them, get out. Find them, get out._ Now that she was underwater, she realized that she really, really should’ve asked about where her little brothers were. Oh well. She could find them no sweat-

A blast of water hit her, sending her tumbling head over heels back towards land. Candace shrieked underwater, trying to dive deep enough to go under the sudden current. Which was really odd, because she was pretty sure that the tide was supposed to be going out, not in.

A dark shadow passed over her, making her freeze. A fin thicker then the length of her neck cut through the water, only a few inches away from cutting her in half. This close she could see the sharp scales bristling, as the kaiju headed for inland. Candace clung to the nearest object, feeling an old panic begin to rise.

It had been a long time since she had seen a kaiju.

A clang caught her attention. Candace turned, and for a moment pure frustration nearly blotted out the overwhelming terror. Of course those two had decided to mask their submarine as rocks. She had just managed to grab onto a rock nearby the port windows. Phineas was waving and smiling, but Ferb, Isabella, and Gretchen weren’t. They were too busy staring in shock at the creature passing by behind- wait, passing by?

The water had stilled.

With a gulp Candace turned in the water. A giant black maw stretched before her, teeth that she figured she could probably wrap her arms around and not touch fingers on the other side lining the edges. Candace shot backwards, just in time to miss teeth snapping close. The teeth scraped along the edge of the submarine, making a tear. She spotted the four kids moving back from the water, and anger flickered to life.

_Not on my watch are you going to hurt my little brothers!_

Ferociously, Candace kicked her legs and swam unerringly for the giant nose in her way, punching with all her might. The creature yanked back the giant head, its eyes attempting to find the person that dared attempt to harm it. Candace took the chance to dive into the submarine.

She pulled away the mouthpiece, and yelled, “OKAY! YOU TWO ARE TOTALLY BUSTED! Right after we escape from the giant kaiju attempting to eat us.”

Phineas shrugged, “Fair enough.”

Candace took a deep breath as she watched them calmly proceed to the back of the ship, a huge contrast to her panicked, nervous state. Metal groaned and shrieked as water continued to pour in unheeded. The Kaiju was swimming in giant circles around the small submarine, obviously uncertain as to what to do next.

Candace glanced up as a nose nudged the submarine again. “We don’t have much time left.” Her voice was rising, as well as her pitch. Any moment now, the giant monster was going to get bored with toying with their lives, and go straight for swallowing everything and letting its stomach acid take care of everything else.

“It’s okay Candace, we’ll take the back exit.”

Candace glanced at the well-lit back exit, complete with scuba gear. “Good, now let’s move!”

Isabella smiled sweetly at Phineas, “I’m glad that the backup emergency exit came in use!”

“Yeah, good job on designing it Isabella!”

“We don’t have time for this! Out of the submarine now!” Candace paused, struck by the terrifying thought. “Listen you guys.” Her voice gentled, and four heads turned to her with curious expressions. She went down on her knees, putting her hands on Phineas and Ferb’s shoulders, looking them right in the eye. “If anything at all happens to me, you need to head straight home. You know where the panic room is, right? Go down there, and don’t come up until someone tells you it’s safe and okay.”

Now she could see a spark of fear in the kids eyes as they started to realize that this may be something extremely dangerous. Phineas grabbed her hand, “But everything’s going to be fine, right?”

“I’m going to get you home safe. The panic room is deep enough.” Ferb recognized her unwillingness to promise- as did Isabella. Gretchen and Phineas both looked satisfied. Candace grinned weakly. “Now, let’s get home.”

Phineas and Gretchen darted ahead, hurriedly pulling on wetsuits, as Isabella and Ferb crowded closer. “Candace? Is that monster really-“ Isabella began, but Candace quickly cut her off.

“It’s going to try its best, but I won’t let it hurt you guys, okay?” She grinned, well aware of how shaky it must’ve looked, “Now c’mon, into scuba gear. There’s rope, right? I want to tie us together for now so we don’t get separated.”

Ferb pulled out a coil of rope, and Candace took a deep breath. It was time to face the monsters- and run away as fast as they could.

“Wait on my mark.” Candace said, before biting down on her mouthpiece. The kids lined up behind her nodded, and waited silently. The black shadow moved closer, and Candace was about to signal when it abruptly twisted and vanished.

Even underneath the waves they could hear the low boom of an explosive going off.

Candace dropped her hand, and threw open the door. Time to make their escape while the monster was distracted.

\------------

Perry Flynn-Fletcher was in the middle of being trapped. It was a pretty good trap, all in all. Much better then yesterday- that involved a giant gerbil ball. Certainly, being tied up, and hung upside down a vat of some boiling liquid- probably carrot soup judging by the orange chunks floating to the top- wasn’t the world’s greatest trap either. But, at least this time he wasn’t stuck with the smell of gerbil.

The best part of it all though, was the fact that he couldn’t hear Doofenshmirtz at all. Not a single peep. Not from a lack of trying- but the giant silence-inator (or whatever it was called) was silently standing in the corner, and it was pretty clear what was going on. Doofenshmirtz was still in the middle of talking without realizing that Perry couldn’t hear him, when Perry felt his wrist communicator start buzzing. He blinked, and slashed the one rope it would take to unravel the whole lot. He landed neatly on the rim of the pot, and jumped off.

Doofenshmirtz looked rather put out, and Perry held up a hand asking him to wait. The other wrist lifted and Perry peered at the tiny screen.

Instead of Major Monogram’s impressive mustache, he was instead greeted by a panicked, desperate Carl. His head tilted to one side silently, as he watched Carl’s mouth move silently. Did he need to turn up the volume- oh, wait.

Perry leveled a glare at the silence-inator sitting in the corner of the room. Doofenshmirtz sighed miserably, as Perry reached into his hat, pulled out a laser, and started shooting.

“-I repeat, all agents who have drift partners are to report to headquarters immediately! The rest are to help with the evacuation of civilians. Major Monogram is currently distracting the creature in a battleship. It’s only a matter of time before the distraction is destroyed. So please, will all agents with drift partners-“

Carl continued repeating his message, as Perry ran over to the nearest window and tore it open. Doofenshmirtz straightened from his usual slouch at the long, wailing siren piercing the air filled the room. “Oh.” Oh indeed.

Perry ground his teeth together in frustration.

There had long been suspicions that the Kaiju would be back. They had opened the portal once, and there was nothing to stop them from doing it again. Perry had trained for that day ever since- his brain flinched away from the memory and smothered it.

Either way, he was trained for this day- but he didn’t have a drift partner. Not for a lack of trying. He had trained and attempted drift with every single last agent he came across, and they all came away with the same complaint. He was too silent, in language and mind. Drift partners needed to be able to communicate, and if they couldn’t hear his mind, they couldn’t predict what move he was going to do next. It was frustrating.

Doofenshmirtz clicked on the television, and Perry glanced at him. Doofenshmirtz was leaning forward, intently staring at the screen where the giant kaiju could be seen roaring. He glanced up at the same time Perry looked towards him, their eyes meeting at the exact same second.

Perry blinked, struck by a very odd, almost scary thought. Nobody had ever scored much higher then a twenty to twenty five percent drift compatibility. They couldn’t read his face and body language well enough, and were off put by his silence. There was one who however that had gotten used to his silence, and they were well matched. Sure, Perry was far shorter then him, and stronger, but he made up for it in sheer tenacity and durability. Perry had seen him blown up multiple times with barely more then a half-hearted curse flung at him.

“Why are you giving me that look Agent Platypus?” Doofenshmirtz squinted suspiciously at him, and Perry smirked.

Doofenshmirtz turned back to the screen, remarking idly, “It appears that the battleships have been sunk. Good. I hope the people on there are miserable.”

It was his own way of expressing hope that they were alive as well. Too be miserable, one had to be alive. Perry could catch a glimpse of the creature swimming beneath the water- a level two kaiju, quite probably.

The picture changed, and Perry felt the breath in him leave in one long, terrified rush.

Candace, Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, and a fireside girl were pulling themselves out of the water. They all looked unharmed, but it was quite probably a close call, judging by the scuba gear, and how fast they were shedding the weight as they started moving towards shelter. Perry moved closer to the television, eyes fixated on his small family.

The kaiju’s roar swept across the entire city, and on screen, Candace abandoned her attempt to pull off flippers to instead scoop up the kids, two in each arm, and begin running for inland.

The screen cut away, to a panicked group milling outside of kaijus shelters, frantically pounding on the steel doors. “Looks like they’re trapped outside. Well, at least Vanessa is on a camping trip with her mother.”

His voice was just the slightest bit anxious though. Doofenshmirtz’s eyes swept the crowds, as if attempting to find black gothic clothing and dark hair. Perry took a step forward, and grabbed Doofenshmirtz by the back of his coat. He was glad that Vanessa was out of the city, but his kids were in danger, and Perry wasn’t going to tolerate that any longer then he absolutely had too. And absolutes were generally cut down judiciously in these sorts of situations by kaiju killing which, like it or not, Doofenshmirtz was going to participate in.

Doofenshmirtz immediately began his screeching, grating protests as soon as he divined they were heading for the jet car that would take them out of his nice, secure building. “Now hold on just a minute Secret Agent Platypus!”

Perry easily tossed him into the vehicle. Doofenshmirtz landed on a box that Carl had helpfully placed in all Agents vehicles, mentioning it was the newest batch of brochures and pamphlets that the brochure person had whipped up in the past week. Perry hadn’t had a chance to look at all of them but-

“Offical O.W.C.A. pamphlet on how to ask your evil nemesis to be your drift partner.” Doofenshmirtz read.

Perry was _really_ going have to ask who wrote these pamphlets. His head craned to glance at the pamphlet opened in Doofenshmirtz's hands.

> _Here at O.W.C.A. we train our agents in both the art of foiling evil schemes and training for the day when Kaiju may yet reappear. We recognize that you may not always be able to have your partner on hand in case of a kaiju attack. That is why we recommend a nemesis. The more time spent with a nemesis, the better the drift compatibility! O.W.C.A. recommends at least one year of solid nemesis ship, and at least three tragic back-story moments for maximum drift compatibility._
> 
> _To invite a nemesis to be your drift partner:_  
>  1\. Firmly take your nemesis by the hand.  
>  2\. Go down onto one knee.  
>  3\. Look them right in the eye, express how much your nemesisship means to you, and how honored you would be to drift with them.*  
>  4\. Remind them that no refusals shall be accepted. 
> 
> _*Note: if you cannot speak (like most of the agents) firmly drag them to the Jaeger. Point at yourself. Point at them. Point at the Jaeger. Usher them onto the Jaeger. Begin drift initiation._
> 
> _Remember! This is a worse-case scenario only. If you share any details of your host family with your nemesis, then you will be relocated to a new host family and assigned a new nemesis. Only drift as a worst-case scenario._

Perry nodded at Doofenshmirtz’s suspicious look, and Doofenshmirtz instantly began protesting. “Me?! Battle a Kaiju? You do realize that we’ll be linking our minds, and we hardly speak anyways, right?! Not to mention the death that might result, and if whether or not we can even drift in the first place!”

Perry gave him the most pleading look he could muster. Doofenshmirtz wavered, before sighing crossly. “Curse me and my inability to ignore the pleading eyes of cute pleading eyes of my nemesis.”

Whatever worked.

Perry took off in a roar of engines. “Are we going to do blindfolds? Should I blindfold myself?”

It didn’t take long to reach the underground hold of the jaegers. Perry bypassed a few other agents with their nemesis's in tow, and they all avoided eye contact as they hurried along. Doofenshmirtz stumbled as Perry led him out, having helpfully blindfolded himself on the ride. Perry helpfully tugged the fabric off, as he led the way to his Jaeger sitting in the center. The other Jaegers were scattered across the countryside, along the edges of the coast. That way if one was destroyed in an initial attack, the others would still be ready to roll.

“They reaaaaaaaally took the animal themes to the extreme, didn’t they?”

Perry glanced up at the giant platypus themed jaeger- and sighed. Yes. Yes they did.


End file.
